The Artist Who Thought She Wanted To Be A Designer

Since obtaining a full-time job at Yelp as a front-end engineer, and reading The Difference Between Art and Design, I found myself at odds with the supposed desire to be a freelance web designer. I use the word “supposed”, because while I have responded about my career choice to anyone who asked, it never felt like a true desire. Oh, I do want to work freelance, I do want to work in web design, but those wants feel more like obligations, like duties. And I never felt much love for anything that feels like a duty.

I find a stronger calling, however, in my artistic side. Starting in the beginning of this month, I began writing the script for my first graphic novel, and while hiccups found their way into my writing frenzy in the form of laziness and work fatigue, no greater joy was felt elsewhere – not in my job, not in coding, not in bar parties. Because while I can enjoy a movie or a night out with friends, the sensation of creation with my hands, with a pencil topped with the crumbling remains of an eraser, scribbling on notebook paper or sketch paper, evokes satisfaction within my heart. Forgive me if I’m being overly romantic, but that satisfaction, the kind that starts somewhere in my gut and then almost literally blossoms up to my heart and throughout my body, actually keeps me alive. Very, very much alive.

Web design, on the other hand, is a job. That’s it. It’s a job, and last I heard, a job isn’t something that makes you feel alive and ready to dance (unless it’s a paycheck, in which case…)

I came to that conclusion some time ago, but it was the Webdesigner Depot article that strengthened said conclusion. Art and design are two different concepts, and after reading through the article and some of the comments on it, I knew for sure: I’m an artist. That isn’t to say that I’m not a designer, but note this: While I am a designer, I’m an artist at heart. I like to create things that originate from inner feelings. I like to create things expressing an opinion. I like to look at something and daydream it into ungodly forms.

That conclusion lies behind my decision to, for the time being, not accept any web projects, save for the occasional one-page biography page for a friend or something similarly small. Other factors like time constraints back the decision, but this is the major reason. Someday, I will pursue the freelance path again, whether part- or full-time.

But I want to explore my artistic side further, in ways never done before in my life, with this graphic novel. It is a major project, perhaps one too big for me to bite into, but damn me to hell if I don’t try to do it, damn me to hell if I don’t try to make something from my own little mind.

That said, if I am allowed complete freedom to design a website, I will gladly do so. Admittedly though, this usually means websites that I do on my own, like this website :).